Yippee Skippee!

In what can only be called an event long overdue, Harriet Miers has withdrawn her nomination to the Supreme Court. Yes! Thank goodness! Why, oh why, am I so excited to see her rescind her ridiculous nomination? Is it because she doesn't vigorously oppose abortion? Not quite. Is it because she appears dazed and confused when asked about consitutional law? We should certainly avoid placing stupid people on the bench, but no, stupidity is not my major qualm with the woman. The reason for my exuberance as Miers walks out of the major headlines is purely selfish - I will never again have to see Miers' ugly mug on my tv screen, on my monitor, or in my newspaper in such a gross fashion as has occurred in the past few weeks.

That's right, Miers is just too damn ugly for her own good...and certainly for my own good.

Isn't there some type of litmus test that serves as a barometer for not only who gets in the news but also for people who are put into newsworthy positions? Should we be made to suffer the dregs of our gene pool just because they're quote, unquote: qualified or right for the job? I argue that, no!, we as a people have a right to have not only qualified people but also pretty ones nominated to public positions.

It is not only our right to demand some eye candy along with substantive action, it should be our duty and priviledge. There was a time and a place for uncouth, misshapen people who, simply because they happened to be "qualified," reached the highest points of political opportunity in our nation. That time is past! Now we must suffer not only the policy but also the visage of those policy makers! The sanctity of relying on the pretty or passable face of someone who is currently running the nation into the ground cannot be ignored!

So how dare they? How dare these public officials who have passed the public's eye candy test, if only by the hairs of their barely there chinny-chin-chins, offer unto us a woman whose very face reminds one a fun house mirror!

I'm not saying Harriet Miers is a bad person.

I am saying Harriet Miers gives me the willies every time I see her.

I'm not saying that the lady is somehow a less complete person because we can only hope her face is the droopiest part of her body.

But holy trident of Neptune, she ugly!

So, let me say thank you both to Harriet Miers and George W. Bush. Ms. Miers, thank you for realizing you're not only too inept to even make it through the questionarre prelims but that you're also too representative of exactly the type of people we can't have reproducing. We just can't take that chance of more ugly people crowding this already ugly planet. And President Bush, thank you for understanding that cocaine-induced hallucinations of divine intervention and beautiful women are not always true. It's a hard pill to swallow, so we're glad you bit the bullet.

You gotta wonder. Did President Bush ever poke Ms. Miers' cheek to see if it would get stuck?

Dude, I so would. And I really wonder, would it have stuck?