Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The O in Owl is for Outstanding


Yesterday at an unknown hour in the later afternoon I received a call from the girl. She had very, very good news in the form of her acceptance into Temple University.

I'm so very proud of her. She is smart, funny, so eager to learn and even sometimes wants very much to go back to school. Arcadia gave her a bridge to Italy but didn't provide the way back to Academia. Perhaps Temple will lay that path. And if not, at least she has something she wanted very much.

The having of a want is always enough to make any journey worth traveling.

I'm proud of her.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Always Say So Little

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. (I'm confident more than one woman and one man reads this blog, so I similarly confident in my address.)

I realise I have not posted a poem for the past two weeks. Wretched of me, I know. However, I wrote today two pages of dialogue to a story I've been thinking about. Exciting! ...and still, the same three poems in my head. One is long, one is pretty terrifying to write, and the third is a rewrite.

I always have so much to write on this blog. Yet I always write so little.

And yet, something to say now.

The girl visited this past weekend. We broke up.

Now, that's rather shocking. But really, it's not. The stress, disatisfaction has been growing for quite a while. And in love there needs to be a lot of grace, wisdom, peace and patience. So I believe, and trust, that the change of our relationship is defined by all these things.

Because, I love her, first and always. And I'm in love with her, second and always.

Oh, and I do have the greatest best friend in the world. Is there a designation before "first"?

There should be.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Delay of Tuesday

I'm sick.

The girl is coming today!

I just finished my last midterm and have a homework assignment to turn in before fall break starts.

And I just finished baking a cheesecake.

I've got 3 poems in mind, but I think I've done quite enough today.

Thank you, Happy Face!

Monday, October 16, 2006

I'm Sick

*sneezes*

And my mommy isn't here to take care of me.

First time I've been this sick since beginning college and my mom isn't here.

That, my friends, is what I call balderdash!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tuesday's Poem #5

I dedicate this poem to lovers - lost, hurting, sad, alone, together.

And hell, Damion, you were not in my heart as I was writing this but you were damn sure there when I edited it.

"What is Love?"

Love is sacrifice
what would you not give?

Love is joy
to the unadulterated desire, even

Love is perserverance
when it is not always so joyous

Love is anger
for sometimes there is fear

Love is happiness
in the midst of pounding hearts

Love is peace
for such pounding isn't constant

Love is desire
although in the dead of night it may be

Love is selfishness
for what is more selfish in life

Love is talking
than wanting conversation with one

Love is friendsip
to last all the days

Love is toil
in the midst of struggle

Love is faith
to last to the end.

Love is one kiss
That defines a lifetime

Love is hope
who needs more?
Love is hope.

A rose given to you
By one heart, one life
Pulsing fast and true

A banner, this flower
Red and brilliant
Bursting with our power

It waves this signal
See its resplendance
Answer its call!

Beaten and bloody
Oppressed by all things on all sides
- truth, defiant beauty

Stand to protect, weakness surround
To prove as warrior
Devout and bound

Stand as beside
To prove as help and mate
Bursting with pride

Beautiful
Heart, mind, body
Defiant, powerful

Weakness
Heart, mind, body
Frail, yet lioness

Yet...

...fail to define.
Know as I am yours
Love claims you as mine

Sunday, October 08, 2006

"If I Were a Christian"

I love riding the buses around Chapel Hill. There is such an immersion into the people that one is hard-pressed to find anywhere else. Snippets of conversations. Sight of folks entering or ending the day - tired, happy, eager, sad, or remote. It's all rather fascinating. Especially so for me because I love to hear people talk. I love to know what people think. The dichotomy of personalities, beliefs, and opinions is so rich and I, as an observer, do love to have my cake.

Of note was my ride home this past Friday. A young man who had picked up a conservative magazine (how do I never find out about these things?) was chatting with a woman he knew from class. I was sitting beside them, so there conversation was quite clear. He expressed disbelief at some statement on the back of said magazine and she joined him with this statement: "If I were a Christian, I would be so upset that someone told me I couldn't be Christian and a liberal." No freakin' doubt my ears were pricked.

And while I would have loved to join in on the conversation, my taciturn belief that that would have been quite rude leashed such intentions. However, what she said gave me a great deal to think about.

Namely, I thought of how judgmental Christians tend to be. Especially when "their own" are concerned. I am reminded of Lizzie's retort to Miss Bingley's assertion - "You're severe upon your sex, Miss Bennet." To which Elizabeth of course responded in kind: "I must speak as I find."

Surely there are many Christians that feel this. Yet in general, should we not respond with Miss Bingley's reply? "Perhaps you haven't had the advantage of moving in society enough." All digs aside, surely there are good, nonjudgmental Christians around and ready to be found, as long as we look under the right rocks.

But this is the fearful thing. Christ said that those without sin should cast the first stone. God alone has the power to judge. Yet what overwhelms the Christian and Far Right society? Judgment. Moral highground. Dirty old men standing atop their precious mountains of righteousness shouting out, "I'm clearer than you! God loves me! He hates you!" all the while clutching some filty rag just behind his back.

We shouldn't have to root around in the underground to find Christians who defy the tide of righteous indignation and actually seek to live by their God's commands.

Actually, we should be indignant ourselves, that so much of the "wrong sort" defines the cultural expectations of what exactly a Christian is. We should be angry. I know I am.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Let's Go Tigers!


A 119 game losing season 3 years ago.

No names, except for one petulant former Texan who can't stand cameras - read Kenny Rogers.

New manager in the form of the ever-loving Tom Leland.

There you have the definition of underdogs. And gosh darn't, if we all don't love the underdogs.

Especially when they beat the Yankees.

No, no, let me rephrase that. Especially when they spank the Yankees.

Which is just what the Detroit Tigers happened to do tonight, defeating the Yankees 8-3, clinching a 3-1 series win. Go home Yankees. Go home!

But the true clincher? The true feel good story apart from a club rebounding from 119 losses 3 years ago and stabbing a dagger into the heart of the hated Yankees? An entire city bursting with pride. Players running down to the locker room to grab some champagne bottles and running back to the stadium to celebrate with their fans. Tom Leland being carried off the field by his players.

Oh, yeah, and Kenny Rogers jumping up into the stands with two bottles of champagne and spraying the fans, even splashing a little onto a cop and then hugging him - rather personable I fancy.

Great pitching always defeats great hitting. Always.

Go Tigers!!



(I think it likely that no one who reads this blogs is even cognizant about how much I know about baseball and pitching, specifically. The girl might have an idea. But really, I could start an entire blog critiquing and advising pitchers. Take for instance winning pitcher Jeremy Bonderman's horrifically low elbow. Do you notice the ulnar nerve literally popping out? When throwing a baseball your arm is put under tremendous pressure. The further you drop your arm (read: elbow) the more stress you pile on. It's simply a recipe for disaster. All that, and Bonderman has probably one of the safter arm actions out there. But do you see how much his neck is straining as he's about to release the ball? Indicative of how quickly he's throwing open his guiding shoulder, putting again even more stress on himself and taking so much power off the ball. Wow, I haven't talked this much about baseball in a while. Everyone can blame Notre Dame boy - Detroit born he is.)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Tuesday's Poem #4

"Here It Stands"

Crucifix.
Altar.
Sacrifice.

Blood.
Guilt.
Offering.

Love.
Sacrifice.
Gift.

Used and twisted
This our hope
Once glorious
Once white
Black now as sin

Sin even
Itself,
Itself!

Hope fades
As image tarnishes
Becomes blacker still

This is hope?
This is glory?

But faintly
- Yes

Look past
Man
Woman
Child
- those who hide

Look at what they hide

See hidden glory
Hidden truth
Hidden hope

Because here it stands,
By faith
Not hand
By love,
- not man

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Tuesday's Poem #3

"The Light's Not There"

Twinkle, twinkle little star

Star light, star bright,
The first star I see tonight

I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.


How I wonder where you are!


Aching neck, he looks again
To the left and to the right
Eyes scanning horizon
From sea to sky
- never finding

Hands rest wearily
Clasping gently rising, falling
Tension coiled in shoulders
Falls the length of arms
Pooling, roaring through fingers
- out into the ocean

A head hangs
Swings right
Swings left
Stretching
Coaxing some peace
- in this nothingness

Facing again, eyes piercing darkness
No light comes
No star, no wish, no gods
The things on high
- remain so silent

No hope shattered
He knew, but he did wish
He looks again
Before making his choice
Choice already made
- 'north, it has to be north'

The dark swallows
Ship without light
Man without soul
Mind without faith
- so he sails.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Tuesday's Poem #2

"Welcome Fire"

Comes to the edge
Long, broken road behind

Everyone fled
None to mind

Scattered gear
The wages of war
- only company

Seen this vast expanse
Now this, this, this

Here the gauntlet falls
Metal will taste
- no success

Helmet joins the ravages
Sword bites the earth

Every piece
- once shielded llife
Now strewn
- before this edge

Naked, standing
Before this edge

Wall of flame
Fire fills the void

War has led
Blood
- the golden brick road

Death and peace
Hell and chaos

None the wiser
But this is end

End in thought
End in fire

End of passion
End of fire

End by self
End by the flame

No question remains
Only the hesitancy
- to jump

A hand passes through
Like the finger of a child
- through the flame of a candle

A hand becomes an arm

Arm the chest

One leg

Then another
- swallowed by fire

A swell of dust
Sole leaves this earth

War left behind
None left to mind

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Tuesday's Poem #1

"Ready"

The cauldron
burns and spews
Violent eruption
No ceasing
No end

The cloud
opens and empties
Heavy fall
Immediate beginning
Sudden end

The rain
cascades and tumbles
Gentle, gentle
It may stop
It may end

Collides with cauldron
Meeting with force
Drama
The rain stops
- never ending
Rising again
Far gentler
than it's gentle, violent beginning

The cauldron empties
Not churning
No violence
Though no peace

Hot but never heavy
The cauldron lets go

The cloud waits for the return

Return to grace
Violence to peace
Never peaceful.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Don't Call It a Comeback

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

It has been far far far too long since I updated with any regularity. 'tis shameful.

Not that I don't believe I haven't the requisite worthy excuses. Oh, no. Oh, hell no. Let's review my excuses:
1. I moved my mom and dad to Wales, singlehandedly. Well, my mom helped but the father was useless!
2. I moved myself and what's left of my family's most prized possessions to Chapel Hill, singlehandedly. That one's true, but for one Barry.
3. I attended the wedding (and the hurricane before it) of two best friends (but one, love you babe). And I danced with a rose. ...more on that later.
4. I survived "Math Boot Camp" with the two lowest grades I've ever received.

Now, I think I could easily go on giving myself these excuse thingies and give up this blog entirely since I am now trying to survive Graduate school in it's entirety. But no, I say, no! Anyway, I'm going slightly stir-crazy with the lack of writing going on in my life. (Read previous statement as : I'm not draining the ideas in my head as I'm want to do, therefore I am slowly driving myself more insane than is acceptable by my standards. And whilst I do have incredibly high standards, the current situation is getting a bit much.)

And anyhow. Regardless of my sanity, I'm not keeping my Cambridge brethren informed of the jaunts of my life, which is the primary reason I started this damn venture in the first place.

I also have various ideas for what I'd like to write, including of course the continuation of my typical manicisms. They're fun, they're me! But...I do have some thoughts regarding some specific ideas.

First, I'm toying with the idea of opening up a blog called The Counter-Culture Christian. The idea has been pressing on my heart and in my head for a few months now and I'd like to take some positive steps toward achieving some tenable goal. A blog, or something. Something, I hope.

Second, I'd like to share the steps I'm taking to find a church in Chapel Hill. I've visited two so far and will soon write up thoughts about the visits. I cannot wait until I find a church that I can call family, but, for all the eagerness, I envision difficulty and struggle. And no doubt some "settling."

Third, and perhaps most awesomely, I want to report on all the movies I've seen for free from UNC's media library. On the docket tonight while I ignore Microeconomics? Bubba Hotep!

Oh, it might also be interesting to explore where I'm going in the coming year. Whether or not I stay with economics. I must say, I have my doubts.

On that note, love to everyone.

CNN Says...

The federal government to give nearly $800 million in drought disaster assistance to farmers and ranchers, according to the Department of Agriculture.

My response?

"There's a drought going on?"

Honestly, where has my head been?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

This Crazy Dream

(...yes, I realize I haven't posted for goodness knows how long. However, I will address all the delays and such in the future, fingers crossed on that not being a future too far in the, well, future.)

I'm at the Girl's place. (Or was at the time of this writing.) And last night, with no doubt a large dose coming early this morning, I had one hell of a dream. And it starts out with 4 naked asians.

Four naked Asians

I suppose it is somewhat sensical to mention that these Asians were male. It seems relevant to the story slash dream.

Anywho.

I walk into a room of four, naked, male, dancing Asians. They appear to be having a grand ole time.

I decide to join them. However, my view of the dangling, dancing, naked bits is obscured due to the rather genteel camera angle of my dream. I never knew I could censor myself so much as in this dream.

Then about 10 other fellows decide to join us.

And decide to get naked.

And dance.

I decide to join them. Yet in disrobing, I...well...I find my clothes layered.

As in, I have on about 10 shirts, 20 pairs of boxers, and 5 jeans.

Needless to say, it takes forever to strip - which astonishes me in the dream since I was quite convinced that I was still clad in my skimpyish (comparatively) shorts and a t-shirt from the previous day's activities.

However, I did eventually get naked.

And revelled in the glory of that wind 'twixt the nethers given by great cavaults of dancing.




...cheers.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

From The GIrl

I'm being very sneaky. This is the girl, writing to let you all know that PS has not fallen off the face of the planet. (he does not know i'm writing this....) He is in the process of moving, and getting ready for his mom to go over to Wales, where she will be joining his father. His mom leaves on Tuesday and he will then be coming up to see me! me! me! on Thursday. oh yeah...and be part of the jon-anna wedding bash. He is very busy and excited and stressed, so till this fiasco of boxes, books (they have...millions, and i don 't think that's an overstatement--i've heard about these books--i'm pretty sure they have been breeding), furniture and moving trucks is over, please keep him in your prayers and thoughts and happy good wishes!


with lots of love from,
The Girl

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Happy Birthday: 10 Days Past

Ten days ago, my dear friend Damion celebrated his 34th birthday. In honour of his day, still important 10 days past, I give to him a series of lists. The lovely man asked for a list from everyone which ennumerated their top ten favorite books.

My mind has been way too out there to focus on moving, let alone lists of any kind. But given I have finally been able to write something cogently, slightly substantive, I think I can now push myself on with this. Not a hard thing, just a sweet thing to a sweet friend.

...in no particular order...

Top 10 Favorite Albums
1. St. Matthew Passion - Bach
2. Lateralus - Tool
3. Perseverance - Hatebreed
4. War - U2
5. Boy Hits Car - Boy Hits Car
6. Joshua Tree - U2
7. Thriller - Michael Jackson
8. A Kind of Magic - Queen
9. Available for Propaganda - Linea77
10. Master of Puppets - Metallica

Top 10 Favorite TV Shows
1. Quantam Leap
2. MacGuyver
3. Stargate SG-1
4. 24
5. Smallville
6. Spongebob Squarepants
7. House, M.D.
8. Battlestar Galatica (2004)
9. Gilmore Girls
10. G.I. Joe

Top 10 Favorite Movies
1. M - Expressionist German movie from 1933
2. A Touch of Evil
3. Pride and Prejudice (1995)
4. Saving Private Ryan
5. V for Vendetta
6. Philadelphia (also for one hell of a song from the Boss)
7. The Empire Strikes Back
8. American History X
9. Gladiator
10. Dazed and Confused

Top 10 Favorite Books (Including Plays)
1. In Cold Blood
2. Pride and Prejudice
3. Of Mice and Men
4. Hamlet
5. Our Town
6. The Hobbit
7. 1984
8. To Serve Them All My Days
9. The Great Gatsby
10. Jane Eyre

Top 10 Favorite Experiences
1. Telling the girl I love her
2. Kissing the girl
3. Running back and forth atop a slightly swingning bridge on a cliff in Italy whilst holding hands with the burly man Jon to the riotous laughter of the girl and Anna
4. Graduating from University
5. Seeing my Welsh family again
6. Studying at Cambridge with Erin, Damion, Andrew, and Marshal
7. Making sushi with the girl's family
8. Anytime I've ever pitched
9. Visiting Atlanta to spend time with my Cambridge friends
10. Swimming & Writing (If I can combine the two I'll be happy as a clam)

To you Damion.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Those Amazing Aussies

As the rain cascades all around me, on this the second or third day of summer in a classic summer thunderstorm, I finally feel inspired to write. Ever since I got back from Wales I have not been able, for the life of me, to write more than a few half-hearted sentences. And if there's anything I hate doing, it's doing things half-heartedly. But now, now it comes back. And I am excited!

What has inspired me? A burning love? The girl always inspires me, this is true, but no. A recent revelation that has cleared the murky paths of my life? Nope, still coasting in that regard. The inspiration? 13 Australian men.


The World Cup is now well into the endgames. After group play, it's now "You lose, you go home." The games so far in this round of 16 have been mundane. In group play the games ranged from similarly mundane to spectacular. Yet none of the previous games quite prepared anyone for the matches that played and are still playing today.

As I write, the Swiss and Ukraine are in the 24th minute of overtime. In 6 minutes the match will be decided by penalty kicks. A game impressive if only because it is being pushed this far. As in yesterday's spectacular performance by David Beckham, the playing men are exhausted and, right now, are quite literally keeling over. This game is made by the desparation of two teams fighting for everything. And penalty kicks are always fun.

Unless you're Australian.

You see, the game that is winding down just now isn't half the game that was Australia versus Italy. Why? Italy was called to dominate. After all, the national team was only Australia. The only good football tehy're known for is Aussie rules. Yet they nearly had it. Australia almost defeated one of the favorites, the powerhouse. Admittedly, Italy has not been dominant this Cup. Much like England and Germany, Italy has yet to hit the stride they're supposed to. But for all of that, nothing can take away from the struggle and the fight of the Australians.

Here we go. Penalty kicks to decide the winner of Ukrain versus Switzerland.

This match that I am watching right now is where the Australians were a very few seconds away from getting to. And I mean seconds.

Report of penalty kicks:
Save by Switzerland.
Save by Ukraine.
Goal by Ukraine.
Miss by Switerland. Ukr 1, Sui 0
Goal by Ukraine.
Save by Ukraine.
Goal by Ukraine. Ukraine wins on penalties - 3 to 0.

So, the Ukraine will face Italy in the next round. How did Italy get there? By playing incredibly smart soccer. One incredible play with, as I said, seconds to go in regulation. Even more, for I can take nothing away from Italians - from the 53rd minute on the Italian squad played with a man down because of a red card. Incredible.

However, with all of that, the Aussies not only played just as smart as Italy but with a greater tenacity and courage. Why tenacious? Why courageous? They held off the freakin' Italians for 94 minutes, 40 seconds!!

And add to that, the Australians missed a game winning bicycle kick by about one and a half inches. Then the penalty kick the Italians won on would have only been the equalizer instead of the game-ending goal. What if, what if, what if.

But with an incredible fake out in Australia's penalty box, the Italians won a penalty kick in the 95th minute. And Francesco Totti, largely absent in the debacle with the Americans, easily punched it in. A devastating dagger through the heart of the self-proclaimed Socceroos. And, hey, another addition to the case against the overzealous referees.

The refs are ridiculous. But one thing is still absolute.

This is a beautiful, fabulous game.

...at least in terms of the World Cup, otherwise I couldn't care less.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Not Dead Yet!



Good greetings and good morning to everyone!

Forgive me for not having written anything yet. I've been home for 11 days now and so much has happened since I've been back in the states. What a joy it is to relish this hot, hot sun. Especially after surviving the west coast of Wales during its wettest, coldest May in 30 years. Only me, right? And I must reiterate how badly I was burned during that wettest, coldest, cloudiest Welsh May.

Yep. Only me.

For all of that, I am so glad to have spent 2 weeks in Wales. Reconnected with my wonderful family. And thankful that so much Welsh blood runs through my veins. As the World Cup begins and the French Cup ends, it's an amazing thing to discover some national pride. Not that I'm not proud of America. Yet, as I think any international traveler and/or sports fan, almost everyone else outside of the States has a deeper, more passionate sense of nationalism (in its most idealistic sense). And as I watch a reflection on Germany's sense of pride as a nation, the point of America's lack of national identity is driven home even further. 'tis an interesting thought, think you not?

(What a great match between Paraguay and England. Well...good.)

As for actually being home, yesterday I locked in the price for a very nice apartment in Chapel Hill. Now all I have to do is figure out what to do with all of this furniture my parents are leaving me. Ummm...it's a lot.

I really just wanted to say 'Hi' to everyone and get myself going again.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Update from Wales

Erin! (And the rest.)

I'm in Neath, currently, staying with my father and the rest of my family. The Dad is awaiting the Mum's retirement from the States.

I have, however, been in Fishguard, Western-coastal-upper, lower bit of Wales for the past week - a week of an ungodly amount of rain, cold, and cloud.

And yet I still come away with a sun/wind burn!

Only me...I sigh.

From Fishguard, my Dad and I traveled up through to Aberystwyth where my father earned his economics degree and then to Aberaeron to look at some property along the coast.

I'm sorry that it seems like I just skirted into the country without much warning! Everything was a bit sudden and hectic and, for some reason, I assumed you would be in the States by now - which is ridiculous, since Uni for my family over here doesn't even finish until about July or so.

Well, think of this. Parents are moving back to Wales and I'll likely be here for Christmas. Shan't be just a pop over to bide for the next decade or so, this.

...I can't wait to come back home and stop speaking my family's particular brand of Welsh. heh...perhaps.

Cheers everyone!

And, yeah!, I did see Eurovision. Never heard of it before and, my God, it was an eye opener. I loved that Finland one and that chick who used to be from MTV on VH1 was a cohost. Pretty lass, if skinny. I sadly had no idea it was on, so just caught only the tail end of the performances when said goodnight to my Da' and flicked around for something interesting. Really...blew my socks away. (As did seeing Spiderman in Welsh!)

Friday, May 19, 2006

Yeah...I'm in Wales

...so...

Cheers!

(Until the 30th of May)

"Welsh by the Grace of God"