Right here, one lovely lady related some advice the former first lady Bush gave to the present first lady Bush: "Don't criticize your husband." Apparently when the former dear Bushess spoke negatively about a speech given by Bush Sr., the old man drove into a wall. Not only are the Bushes rather clumsy, they seem to have incredibly thin skin. Some men are men, some are pussies. I think we all know this.
The shocking thing is, this woman took what senior Bushess said to the present Bushess to heart. You see, she wrote:
"My mom has observed that, of all the criticism our husbands may receive—from their boss or their family or even an enemy—a wife's disparaging remarks can often do the most damage. To me, this is a sobering thought."
It is indeed sobering. Spouses, lovers, children, parents, friends - because of their relationships with us these people are the ones whose words can cut the deepest. We should indeed give care and guard our words to those to whom they mean the most. However, the woman goes even further.
"...when we refrain from criticism and cultivate encouragement, we can give them confidence in our love, inspire them to persevere, and point them to the Savior."
Now I'm sure, or simply hope, that the woman meant "overly negative criticism" when "criticism" was written. However, I shall bend towards the cynical and assume that she meant criticism of any kind, which is clearly nothing like "gentle correction." Because, really, without cynicism I never have that much to talk about.
What good can come of keeping criticism out of a relationship? I fully understand guarding against overly negative criticism that simply becomes harping and whining with no fruit. However, accepting that relationships should avoid the incredibly negative, why is there then another leap to avoide negativity all together? What honesty is there in a lack of negativity?
As quoted above, this woman believes that refraining from negativity leads to encouragement which leads to godliness. I'm afraid she has it wrong. Refraining from negativity leads to encouragement. Encouragement leads to perseverence. Perseverence leads to godliness. And godliness leads to...(well, not suffering, but since I'm giggling so much about this Yoda quote)...SUFFERING (in Yoda's very cool warble). ...this chick does indeed have it wrong, for two reasons. Yet first, before those two reason there must be an understanding of fallibility. As creatures, we all suck and make mistakes. Who doesn't suck? Excellent, we all agree that we all suck. I'm so proud of our fundamental self realization.
So, we suck. ("She's going from suck to blow, Captain! Blow! Blow! Blow!")
So now to why the chick is wrong about criticism.
The first is in response to her belief that it is only through encouragement that others can encourage. How utterly illogical. Professing Christians also profess themselves to be evangelical. Do they manage to evangelise by living their lives perfectly? Hardly. If so, there would be no need for the Christ they so desperately cry out for. No, it is through the mistakes of Christians and the continued humility to a God who thankfully does not demand perfection from any but His Son that Christians truly evangelise their faith. Mistakes and correction. Where is correction without criticism?
The second is my inability to get over how incredibly childish this whole approach sounds. The woman from girl talk actually suggests hiding "a card and his favorite candy in his bag when he goes on a business trip" in order to encourage "him." I cannot help but shake my head at that. A card is cool. Candy is slightly cool. Together they seem slightly morbid and infantile.
Are men so sensitive and irresponsible of their own actions that any criticism must be only given in the most glowing of terms? Or, even, not given at all? These questions are incredibly concerning because they originate from statements made by professing Christians. Where is the responsibility from both sexes to care for one another? Guide and instruct? And how do we guide and care and instruct without correction? What good is correction, if given at all, when the correcting words are too sweet and too gentle to be seen for what they are, criticism?
Honestly, that's just stupid.
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