A Twist of Mind

Recently I did something that I have not done in, say, 2 years. And even then, my action was not complete as it was Thursday morning. You see, I think a lot. A great deal, in point of fact. One of my greatest wishes is to have a personal recorder beside me at all times so, when the lightning strikes, there is a place other than my mind to show the burn mark. There are a lot of marks that litter the past 10 years of my cognitive life (I use cognitive because I have a theory on my early childhood which you likely don't want to hear). Those marks are on my mind, scattered bits of paper, and the many journals randomnly tossed throughout my house. (Is it me, or did random used to be spelled randomn?) Yet while those marks may be clearly visible, I do not share them. Those marks manifest my tiny explosions of creation that may or may not be complete rip-offs of things heard and seen in my life. And I keep them to myself.

That was, I used to keep them to myself. Last Thursday I told the girl 2 thoughts I recently had: one that morning and the other two morning prior. Heady stuff, man.

(By the way, I respect all the people who read this. But you're likely to never touch an idea of mine unless it's published, in print, cut and dry, or in extensive draft form when I then enlist you for hearty, heavy criticism. I'm sure that's just heartbreaking...really...)

I loved telling the girl. Not just because she was excited about the ideas, though it was a hoot that she was. No, I loved telling her because she took them, my hare-brained ideas, as reality. The thoughts weren't stupid or ridiculous, birds without wings. Chicks with tiny wings, no doubt, but still with wings. I've lived for so long nurturing the belief that I was the only one who could ever invision my thoughts taking flight. And since I consider myself the greatest deceiver after Lucifer himself...yeah...not so much confidence.

And she gives me confidence. Mind you, I harbor no delusions that the girl won't shoot me down. In fact, I'm banking on the 100% probability of the carnage of ideas resulting from a few well placed words and daggers. Preferably words, but I can be rather head-strong so she might need to use deadly force.

I really like the girl. And I liked telling her the secret things in my head that no one else will get to see. That makes me smile.